Learning to Listen

It is so sickening and sad to me that Cassie Jaye's documentary "The Red Pill", which simply focuses on men's voices and issues that affect boys and men (whereas her previous works had focused on women's and LGBT issues), is being protested and petitioned by a small but vocal group of feminists worldwide, to get it banned from theaters, college campuses, and even Netflix.

And that is precisely the problem with "Third Wave Feminism", and precisely the reasons that she herself left behind the "Feminist" label. The very fact that these people DON'T want to listen to other people's voices, to listen to other people's pain, and fears, and issues. They, to borrow their own rhetoric, make it "About Them", when, surprisingly, it's NOT always about them. They have tried to label her documentary problematic and "Misogynist", when it is not even remotely so. How is a film acknowledging that men's issues matter too, and that EVERYONE'S stories and voices should be heard, "Misogynist"? Cassie has been attacked, belittled and ostracized by many of these types, simply for saying something that is outside of their precious little bubble.

That is my problem with modern Feminism. I don't identity as a so-called "Men's Rights Activist", any more than I identify as a Feminist. Both DO have valid points, buried within the overall often ridiculous nature of their movements. But those points get lost in the fog, so to speak, because, as I am often fond of saying, "Everyone has something to say, but few truly want to listen". And that is precisely her point: that people need to LISTEN, not just talk. Often, people are offended or outraged, because they're not actually LISTENING or paying attention to what is being said or what's actually going on. They already have a narrow, hard-wired mindset, and they go into every situation waiting for things to conform to their viewpoint, or as she states, "Waiting to be offended".

She knows this because she used to do it, she used to hear things that weren't actually being said, read between lines when there was nothing actually there. All because she already had her mind made up on what was what, and didn't want to LISTEN to what people actually had to say. She had to stop and think to herself, to look at WHY it was she was getting offended or hearing things that weren't actually being said. And I know a bit about this, because that is something I've caught myself doing all too often as well. But now she listens, and so now she gets attacked by so-called "progressive and open minded" feminists, for breaking their narrative, and ACTUALLY being open-minded and compassionate. 

So I say, bless her. I wish there were more people like her in the world, of either gender, of ANY background or walk of life. The internet age is a self-involved, close-minded, entitled, knee-jerk reaction culture. People don't want to bother doing research, or looking closer into things, or just simply listening to someone else. They want to take the bare minimum amount of information, such as, for example, a blurb or headline that they see on Facebook or Twitter, and they want to run with it, having a knee-jerk reaction, without knowing what's actually going on, or why they're upset.

Mind you, there is a LOT in this world to get upset over, or be outraged about. But that only makes it all the more ridiculous that people waste their time going around LOOKING for things to be offended about, to be outraged over. We live in a very toxic, angry, paranoid culture, and it's getting worse, not better. In many ways, our so-called "connected age", where people are supposed to be more "connected" than ever, to news, to information, to other people, to the world, is actually making humanity MORE disconnected from the world around them, and from each other, than any other time in human history. Quite frankly, one truth that applies to ANYONE, regardless of their background or beliefs, is that if your views, or your movement, cannot stand up to differing ideas, or scrutiny, or criticism, then those beliefs may not be all that worth it in the first place.

And it's actually quite mind-boggling when you take the time to stop and realize that Cassie Jaye, in her very simply stated estimation, is absolutely correct. It all starts with Listening. So many of our problems, from the personal level, to the global, could be cured by people just fucking listening to each other, really hearing, really communicating. We all need to strive to be better about this, or else we, as a human race, are not going to last.



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Below is part of a very powerful and enlightening speech she gave, concerning the making of her documentary, and the metamorphosis she underwent while making it. This speech is powerful and heartfelt, and quite frankly, how I even discovered her in the first place. At the end, she imparted some incredibly brave, and enlightened words, that I think everyone, in this darkened age of ours, needs to not only hear, but take to heart.

"We have to stop expecting to be offended. And instead we have to start truly, openly and sincerely listening. That will lead to a greater understanding of ourselves and others, having compassion for one another, working together towards solutions, because we are all in this together. And once we do that, we can finally start to heal, from the inside out.

But it has to start with listening."