You
know...I'm not going to "judge" people like Chris Cornell and Chester
Bennington for taking their own lives. And this isn't about "judgement",
so for anyone who might read this, don't even bother going there.
However, I will say that I simply do not understand how they could do it. You can say whatever you want about "chemical imbalances" and whatever meds they were on "affecting their minds" etc. etc. etc. But at the end of the day, IGNORING the fact that they were rich and successful and "had it all". The most important thing to me, the reason I find it unbelievable that they could just kill themselves, is because they both had wives and children and families who truly loved them.
I have never had a wife and children. I have never truly felt like I had "Family". I have relatives, but I've never had that "Family" closeness, in my entire life. And even many of the "friends" I've had over my life, have been rather dubious, and more than a few have turned out to false and self-interested, self-serving, etc. But one of the key factors in the depression that I have suffered and struggled with most of my life, has stemmed from loneliness and being alone. Not having even that "One" person in your life, who is always there, who will always love you and lift you up, no matter what.
Chris and Chester had that, and more. I can only imagine what it would feel like to NOT feel alone, and to actually HAVE love in my life, a wife, children, family. They had that. Yet they both chose to take their own lives, and LEAVE their loves and their families. Selfishly. I won't sit here and tell you I've never contemplated suicide in my own life. I have, a great many times. Possibly too many times to count. I don't talk about this with the vast majority of people I know openly, because quite frankly, it's my own private business, and most people do not need to know, much less do they truly care. But I can tell you with authority, that my ever wanting to kill myself, has stemmed DIRECTLY from being alone and miserable in this life.
If I had even just a woman/wife in my life, that one person who TRULY loved me and to whom I meant the world to, I would never EVER kill myself. Much less if we had children together, a beautiful family that WE had made together. I couldn't even conceive of wanting to die in that scenario. Why? Because I believe, have ALWAYS believed, that were I to HAVE that in my life, love, family, I would want to LIVE. A desire for death only comes from feeling like you have nothing and that nothing will ever get better. I'm sure many people who have suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts could tell you that. But if I had that love in my life, while everything, and my own problems, might not just magically disappear, I CAN tell you that all of the miseries and tediousness and frustrations of life would be a hell of a lot more tolerable. I could bare it all, because I had "Her", because I had "them" in my life. I would want to live as long as I possibly could, just to BE with them, and enjoy whatever time I could possibly get with them. I that with authority now more than ever, being almost 36 years old and still alone in life.
But the POINT is, that is why I cannot conceive why they would want to die, or how they could bring themselves to do it. Having loving wives, having loving children and families in their lives. I'm not saying that if I had a wife and kids that I wouldn't still be broken inside. That may be unfixable at this point, for all I know. But I WOULD love them as much as I possibly could, and would savor every moment with them that I could get. Doing what they did, to me, was selfish, and you could argue even an act of betrayal to the people who held them most dear. People who loved them and depended on them. Basically what I have wanted for myself my entire life, dating even back to childhood.
And I'm just saying, I don't get it. If I had what they had, personally, I would never, COULD never, do what they did.
However, I will say that I simply do not understand how they could do it. You can say whatever you want about "chemical imbalances" and whatever meds they were on "affecting their minds" etc. etc. etc. But at the end of the day, IGNORING the fact that they were rich and successful and "had it all". The most important thing to me, the reason I find it unbelievable that they could just kill themselves, is because they both had wives and children and families who truly loved them.
I have never had a wife and children. I have never truly felt like I had "Family". I have relatives, but I've never had that "Family" closeness, in my entire life. And even many of the "friends" I've had over my life, have been rather dubious, and more than a few have turned out to false and self-interested, self-serving, etc. But one of the key factors in the depression that I have suffered and struggled with most of my life, has stemmed from loneliness and being alone. Not having even that "One" person in your life, who is always there, who will always love you and lift you up, no matter what.
Chris and Chester had that, and more. I can only imagine what it would feel like to NOT feel alone, and to actually HAVE love in my life, a wife, children, family. They had that. Yet they both chose to take their own lives, and LEAVE their loves and their families. Selfishly. I won't sit here and tell you I've never contemplated suicide in my own life. I have, a great many times. Possibly too many times to count. I don't talk about this with the vast majority of people I know openly, because quite frankly, it's my own private business, and most people do not need to know, much less do they truly care. But I can tell you with authority, that my ever wanting to kill myself, has stemmed DIRECTLY from being alone and miserable in this life.
If I had even just a woman/wife in my life, that one person who TRULY loved me and to whom I meant the world to, I would never EVER kill myself. Much less if we had children together, a beautiful family that WE had made together. I couldn't even conceive of wanting to die in that scenario. Why? Because I believe, have ALWAYS believed, that were I to HAVE that in my life, love, family, I would want to LIVE. A desire for death only comes from feeling like you have nothing and that nothing will ever get better. I'm sure many people who have suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts could tell you that. But if I had that love in my life, while everything, and my own problems, might not just magically disappear, I CAN tell you that all of the miseries and tediousness and frustrations of life would be a hell of a lot more tolerable. I could bare it all, because I had "Her", because I had "them" in my life. I would want to live as long as I possibly could, just to BE with them, and enjoy whatever time I could possibly get with them. I that with authority now more than ever, being almost 36 years old and still alone in life.
But the POINT is, that is why I cannot conceive why they would want to die, or how they could bring themselves to do it. Having loving wives, having loving children and families in their lives. I'm not saying that if I had a wife and kids that I wouldn't still be broken inside. That may be unfixable at this point, for all I know. But I WOULD love them as much as I possibly could, and would savor every moment with them that I could get. Doing what they did, to me, was selfish, and you could argue even an act of betrayal to the people who held them most dear. People who loved them and depended on them. Basically what I have wanted for myself my entire life, dating even back to childhood.
And I'm just saying, I don't get it. If I had what they had, personally, I would never, COULD never, do what they did.
No comments:
Post a Comment